What Others Think Of You is None of Your Business

Over my short lifetime I've come face to face with a lot of peoples biggest fears. I've come up against being a child of divorced parents, I've been in a couple car accidents, I've been bullied, I've been obese, I've felt the sting of a loved one passing, I've been rejected by members of my family, and I am more than aware that I haven't seen the worst of what my life has to throw at me. In recounting on all of these experiences in my life, I have come to realize that I am a strong person, not because I have to be, but because I chose to be. I chose not to crumble when times were hard, I chose not to let the depression I felt knock my feet our from under me, when my mom would brush my curly ratty hair as a kid she'd tell me to "stand like a statue", and I carried that advice throughout the rest of my life. In this, I come off as a hard personality. I speak my mind, even when it isn't easy. I offend people, without intending to. I'm a bold person, and with that personality, not everyone likes me all that much. What's hard about that, is that I'm a very loving person. If there is ever something I've done wrong to someone, I want to fix it and make whoever is angry, hurt, or offended happy again, because happiness is my favorite! (kind of like Buddy the Elf, but Spenser version)

I got married a week ago, and even though some of those in attendance were trying really hard to put on a happy face for the two of us, even Joe, who sees the best in everyone, could tell that not everyone was super excited or hopeful for our future together. There were also those who didn't even try. And it hurt. Knowing that at that point in time I had done all I could do to make these people love me as much as I love Joe, and they didn't. I hate that it even upsets me. But recently my mother's advice from all those gossip filled years of high school has been ringing in my head, "What others think about you is none of your business." And, sadly, that statement is so true.

As hard as I said my personality is, I really do try to show love to everyone. I'm loud and obnoxious and I love to hug and laugh and skip while holding hands. I'm incredibly driven, I speak my mind, and I'm opinionated, but I always try to admit when I'm wrong and mend any wounds I've caused. And these are traits that I will not apologize for. I love my husband, and I'll be the first to admit that when we first started dating I was awful to him. I was afraid of falling in love, because love never really seemed to end in happily ever afters. I was afraid that the kind of man Joe was, wasn't a man who really existed, because I had never known someone so genuinely good. Out of fear of being let down, I pushed him away and drug him through the mud and tried and tried for four months to get him to break up with me, but he stuck with me, because he saw through all of my fears. I showed him my scars and he kissed them better. I told him of my past, and he reminded me that God had already forgotten. I told him that I was afraid of how I felt, and he took my hand and said that he'd never let me fall. Thankfully for me, I married the most forgiving, loving, and understanding human being on the planet and I don't know what I'd do without him in my life.

In conclusion, I am sorry if I have ever offended any of you. I'm sorry if you saw who I was when Joe and I first started dating. If I'd seen the way I treated him then, I wouldn't like me either. But I ask that you please believe that I have had a mighty change of heart. I'm sorry if I've said something too bold or insensitive, and I've hurt your feelings. I am truly, deeply sorry. But I ask for your forgiveness. I'm still learning how to better myself, and treat others with the utmost kindness and respect. I'm still learning how to love those that persecute me. I'm still learning how to be like my Lord, and Savoir, Jesus Christ, and I'm not quite there yet....in fact I'm not even close! So I ask that you cut me some slack, be patient with me, and find it in your heart to forgive me. And to please please please let me know when I've done wrong, because I would love to fix it.

Anyway, happy Friday!

Love,

Spenser Betenson

(I love typing that name :))