The one that never got asked out, or went to dances, or really did much of anything besides eat. I was that way for a long time, and I got that way pretty darn fast too. I didn't have a whole lot of friends and hung out with my mom a lot, because hey, she thinks I'm awesome no matter what my size!
Recently I've turned into this girl
And suddenly people pay attention when I speak. I'm not just the fat girl with daddy issues that no one will touch with a ten foot pole. I'm now the skinny girl with daddy issues that suddenly boys take an interest in.
To tell you the truth, when I look in the mirror, I still see the top picture. I see the stretch marks of who I used to be tattooed across my skin as an everyday reminder of who I was. And it's hard for me to look past them. But everyday I find something new I love about this new body I found.
It's weird because it's been here all along, it's just been hiding in the padded packaging to help it from getting damaged. And you know what, looking back, being fat was a HUGE blessing. I didn't have to worry about falling in love my junior and senior years of high school. I didn't have to worry about running into morality issues, or getting in trouble with friends. And yeah, I was lonely and bitter. But having the body I had kept me safe.
Some of you may argue that my point isn't valid, because it's not healthy to think that way. But I can't imagine the trouble I could have gotten into, had I been hot in high school. Just sayin.
It's hard though, being the way I am now.with the fat girl mentality, once you've seen yourself fat, you ALWAYS see yourself as fat. Because even though I've lost over 50 pounds, I'm still a big, solid girl. I still have big features and I guess I thought that would all change when I lost weight? I thought I could be petite like other girls. To be the kind of girl that's fragile and easy to lift. But with me that's still not the case. Not only am I not small, but I'm not light either. I may be within my weight class now, but I'm pretty sure I still outweigh most of the guys I find attractive! And that bugs me to death! If there is anything in this entire world that drives me absolutely bonkers, it's weighing more than the guys I date. Because then I'm self conscious all the time and it makes it hard for me to see myself in a good light! But I'm also grateful for my big features. I've got curves, and I can hold things on my hip just fine. I don't have to worry about not being able to lft something, or running non stop. My body is sturdy and it can handle a lot. And as much as I would like to be fragile, that's not who I am. A Great Dane will never be a chihuahua. No matter how hard it tries, it will never fit into a shoulder bag, just like I will never fit into a size 2.
But I am slowly and surely learning to love myself. Because I know my father in heaven did not send me here with this glorious body, just to hate what I see when I look at His creation. Because HE created me. And I am this way because I'm SUPPOSED to be. And whether I believe it or not, I am beautiful. And I'm not beautiful because of how I look, but because I am His daughter. So with His help, I'm beating the fat girl mentality and finding something new to love everyday, and I challenge you to do the same!
You are beautiful. Love you just the way you are. You have worked hard and should be proud
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