A Change Of Plans

Dear reader,

As many of you know I was planning on submitting my papers to recieve my mission call by next Wednesday. Well that's not going to happen. I don't owe any of you an explanation, but I figure you might as well hear it from me, rather than let your imagination think the worst of me.

I met with my stake president this last Sunday with the full intention of submitting my papers and getting my call. I've been so excited, and have been preparing for what to me has felt like ages. When I walked into his office, I heard a small voice in the back of my head say, "don't go until august." When I heard this I brushed it off. I've been preparing for a while and feel ready to serve, and gosh darn it if I can go in May, I'm gonna! But as that meeting progressed, that feeling of "Go in august" kept getting stronger and stronger. Finally I realized that it wasn't my doubts giving me this feeling, it was the spirit. I finally gave in. Bursting into tears in front of someone I didnt know, I told my stake president I shouldn't go until august. He looked confused, but trust me, I was just as confused as he was, if not more. He asked if it was due to money issues and I said no. He asked me if I felt there were morality issues I should have resolved, and I couldn't help but laugh a bit (this girl can barely get herself a date). So he asked why I shouldn't, and I just told him I felt really strongly that I needed to wait, but made it very clear I don't want to. And he said that if I'm supposed to serve now, I'll still be able to serve three months later.

Three months may not seem like a long time to you, but for me it sounds like ages. Satan is already working his way into the cracks of my self esteem and telling me I'm not good enough. So giving him three extra months to do so, isn't exactly something I'm excited to do. Making the decision to go on a mission was already one that I struggled with. So the fact that I finally put my foot down and made the decision was a big deal. And having the spirit tell me that I have to wait, isn't making this any easier.

I'm trying not to be mad at God, but it's really hard to be happy with this decision when I feel so ready to serve. But I know I will be blessed for my obedience. And there's obviously something God knows that I don't. So there's something I need to do, or something I need to learn, or someone I need to help in these extra three months.

Thankfully I have cousins who rock my world and know exactly what to do. And after lots of crying and brainstorming, I'm ready to forget myself and go to work. My gameplan is to lose myself in the service of my fellow men. If I can't serve a mission and spread the word of my Lord and Savior wearing a name tag until August, then you better believe I'm going to be serving without a name tag until then.

So I won't be getting my call for a while. And I won't be able to go through the temple until April. So if you ever need help, call me up because I'm more than willing!

Guys, this isn't easy for me. And I'm not just pushing this off because I'm scared. My heart really is breaking right now, so I could really use your prayers. Please help me through this, because I can't do this alone. I love you all and thank you for your support.

Sincerely,

(a later rather than sooner to-be)

Sister Owens