My Experience With Banana Republic

Story time!

Okay so earlier this week Joe and I went to city creek to window shop and we came across Banana Republic. Now my handsome Joe boy started wandering in and my inner fat girl was on high alert. Because not only have I never been able to afford any of their clothing, but in the last four or five years I've never been able to fit into it. Looking at the mannequins in the window who's calves were as big as my forearm, I couldn't help but feel like 220 pound person I once was.

As we were finding Joe clothes to try on a worker started up a conversation with me about why I wasn't in the women's sections getting myself some cute clothes, my reply was the same reply I've had to ask for the last five years, "What size do you go up to?" And let me tell you, the look of confusion on her face as she said 14 was priceless. And at that moment I looked at the store differently. I walked in looking at overpriced clothing made for rich twiggy women, and then stood in a store filled with overpriced clothing that would fit my once size 18 and now size 8 rear.

As we talked I explained how I'd lost 55 pounds and how I had 10 more to go so I didn't want to really buy clothes right now because not only will they not fit in a month, but I don't know how to dress the new body I have. Our conversation ended and I sat and waited for my cute boyfriend to model the clothes we both knew he couldn't afford. And before I got my nose half way into a Vogue magazine, two of the store workers picked me up out of my chair, threw some clothes at me, and put me into a dressing room!

I tried on a skirt, a sweater, and some heels, all of them probably worth more than my entire wardrobe combined! And I felt fabulous. I saw a different more grown up woman in the mirror. And when I stepped out, the ladies said the nicest things. And the main worker looked at me and said, "We know you aren't going to buy anything, but we wanted you to know how good you look. Showing people how to dress for their bodies is our job. You look fabulous, thank you for letting us play dress up with you."

I've never seen myself in that kind of light before. I've never walked into a posh store and fit in anywhere. So I guess this post is just more of a public thank you to those ladies for making me feel special. And for helping me realize that I am no longer who I was, and that every day I'm closer to where I want to be :)

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”

I just love that saying. CS Lewis knew what he was talking about because every single day is better than the next if I want it to be :) and lately it has been so here's my update.

I just wanted to let you all know how ridiculously happy I am. I start school next Wednesday at Salt Lake Community College. My job's...meh, it's a job. And my love life is friggin' great :) as many of you know I'm dating this handsome guy

His name's Joe and he's my favorite human. He's my priesthood holding, movie watching, chemical engineering, tickle fighting, bunny/cat hair covered, Spenser loving boyfriend. And he's really good at making me happy.

Also, recently my cousins' girlfriends and I all became really good friends! Haha we're all kinda wives now...it's a thing :) We have rings 

They're both pretty great and I'm pretty stoked off my life to be friends with such chill girls. Considering most girls are catty, it's super nice to be around people who don't make you feel like you're back in junior high :)

Lately I've been thinking a lot about who I was and why I was that way and what has changed. And I realized that things changed because I wanted them to. I didn't like where or who I was and so I changed it. Looking back I always got exactly what I wanted. I didn't feel good about myself so I didn't look for good guys. And thus, the guys I got were kinda crummy. Yeah they had their good bits but there was nothing about them that I would have wanted to keep for forever. I wasn't a really good friend, and so I didn't get really good friends...until Summerlin came along that is :) I just love her! Everything I wanted I got. Because on the outside I was saying, "I want better friends.", "I want an amazing boyfriend." While on the inside all I was thinking was, "I'm not good enough for better friends.", and "Boys don't like fat girls, guys like that don't date girls like me." But there's a joke that my friend Kara from work told me that I think is relevant. "How many psychologists does it take to screw in a lightbulb" "none the lightbulb has to want to change" still gets me every time :) but it's true! No amount of therapy can help someone who wants to be miserable. And I was tired of being miserable.

So yeah :) now I'm happy as a clam and I couldn't ask for more! I am so blessed to belong to a religion that believes that progress is never ending. Because I plan on seeing the better things that lie ahead for me :)