...God is good, so eventually I will be too.

This last Tuesday I had the opportunity to go on an adventure after institute with one of my bestest friends in the entire world. To start off our drive he asked me if I was doing okay, and to be honest I wasn't feeling too hot. I've never lied to the kid though (really though, I've always told him the truth), so I kind of just sat, there not wanting to be a Debbie-Downer. It got a little awkward because we sat there for a few seconds until I said, "ya know, things aren't going so well, but I know that God is good, so eventually I will be too." And the smile that came over that boys face was one of the biggest I've seen in a long time.

This last month has taken it's toll on this little trooper. But I'm the kind to internalize my feelings, and not really let people know I'm getting down. I only really express myself to my mom, my cousins, and my really close friends. So November basically kicked me to the curb. With liking that guy, destroying my own self esteem, trying to figure out school, trying to do what God wants, what my parents want, and what I want...let's just say it hasn't been a walk in the park.

But in this last month I've had to do some real soul searching. I've had to decide where I stand, and where I will and will not go. I've learned to stand my ground, and that's not something I've ever been able to do before! I learned to stop chasing boys, and sit down and wait for a man. And honestly, that's not easy for me! His number is right there in my phone, I could text him anytime. But why would I text him when I know I would probably only receive a bland response or not hear back for almost three days? Liking this guy is old and tired. I'm to a point where it's like I want him out of my head, out of my phone, and out of my news feed on Facebook. Because I look at him and I feel like I'm insignificant, like I'm not good enough for him, and that's not the truth! Because I've learned that I deserve so much more than to be treated like I'm nonexisiant! I've learned that I deserve someone who loves me for all that I am, am not, and ever will be! I learned that even when I am in my darkest hour, The Lord really is my light! He is my peace of mind and the reason I keep going everyday. I know that even through trials where the ground gets a little shaky, I have a firm foundation! I am blessed to belong to the true church of Jesus Christ! And I am so grateful! I am never alone, and that is an AWESOME feeling! This last week has reminded me that no trial is eternal. This is why conversion is a continual process! And one of the best parts about this mortal life is that you can never stop progressing! How great is that!? You can always do better, and be better. And our savior made it possible for is to receive a million second chances! I know this is kind of a preachy post but I just had to express how much I LOVE this gospel! There aren't really any downs to belonging to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The things they say you shouldn't do, are things you shouldn't be doing in order to be a healthy, and decent human being. I'm so blessed! I'm grateful that through the gospel, families are forever! That someday I'm going to meet the man of my dreams, and he is going to be mine forever! Haha that sounds a little possessive, but hey, I speak the truth! I don't want to die and think, "well that was great, I'm just gonna go become a tree now." I'm so excited to go on to do greater things in God's kingdom! That's why I'm not afraid of death. If I'm doing all I can to serve my fellow man, and live righteously, I know exactly where I'm headed when I pass on. So yeah, God is good, and even though I'm not so good right now, I will be :)