Lessons Learned

I really have nothing to talk about....
So here's a list of the lessons I've learned in the last year:
Wickedness truly never was happiness.
Classic novels are so much better than novels written today.
Love will always overcome hate.
I can't play basketball to save my life.
You can't make someone love you, but that doesn't mean you can't give them love.
Who you were does not determine who you can become.
God loves you, no matter what.
Losing weight isn't easy, but it's worth it.
Family should always come first.
Being fearless shows that you have charity.
You're not indestructible.
Love takes time.
Patience wasn't made to be easy.
If you have the time to take a nap, TAKE IT!
Guys are better friends than girls most of the time.
Don't make someone your first choice when you're just an option.
ALWAYS say I love you to the one's you love, even if you're mad.
Loving the people who are hard to love is one of the most rewarding things you will ever do.
Scripture study is one of the best parts of my day.
I get quiet when I'm in a car full of people I don't really know.
Kindness changes lives.
You're never alone.
Return missionaries are the bomb!
It's important to forgive others.
It's even more important to forgive yourself.
I'm good at making things awkward.
I have the best singles ward ever.
My cousins are the greatest.
If you don't go all out, you shouldn't go at all. (thanks, Kiah)
Sometimes it's hard to smile, but you have to fake it 'til you make it.
The only opinions that should matter belong to you and God.
My hair will never be easy to manage.
If you can't, God can.
"haha" is NEVER a good answer!
Situations will never happen the way they do inside your head.
I'd take class over swag any day.
Men who love the Lord will love you better than men who don't.
Temple attendance really does bring blessings.
I'm a lot older on the inside than I am on the outside.
I expect way more of myself than others expect of me.
Worrying gets you nowhere.
If you ever buy a truck, make sure it's four wheel drive.
The only person you can expect anything out of is yourself.
There is a song for every situation you'll ever be in.
To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.
It takes courage to admit you're wrong.
Relationships are a two way street, if you're the only one putting in effort, it isn't worth the trouble.
Mom's hugs always make things a little better.
You have to give someone the chance to miss you.
You're worth it.
Hate destroys you, not the other person.
Beauty really is only skin deep.
Pigging out is okay every now and then.
Putting yourself out there can hurt, but that's what will make you stronger.
You're stronger than you think.
You can't love someone else until you love yourself.
Never judge someone by their past.
A good cry every once in a while is healthy.
Hiking is the best.
College is expensive.
You are never given a trial that you can't overcome.
Hearts are broken to make room for change.
Driving alone is the perfect time to talk to God.
You have to make time for God.
Missionary letters will always make your day.
Music is the gateway to the soul.
80's movies are MUCH better than movies are now.
You don't need someone to love you to love yourself.
Where there is faith, there is hope.
God is my best friend
You are what you believe.
If a guy isn't even a little awkward, he should be. If he's always smooth, he's had too much practice.
You can do all things through Christ.
It gets better.
and last but not least
YOU CAN CHANGE!
Happy Thursday everybody!

Finals, Faith, and Fervant Prayer

Wow! I can't believe how crazy this week has been. My last final was on Tuesday and I'm so glad it's all over! I've been praying for direction this last week in knowing whether or not I should take winter semester. But, I've decided that I might as well expand on my education while I can! So there ya go! But with work, school, church callings, and social life, it's gonna get pretty busy! Thankfully I have a part time job where I make my own hours :) Life's good on that level!

These last few weeks have been some of the toughest I've been through. I am amazed at how well Satan knows how to mess with my head. I've been so down on myself, in doubting my worth, my abilities, and my appearance. But this last Tuesday I went to the temple (well duh, it's temple Tuesday) and I was feeling pretty down on life. But I prayed really hard on the drive there that I would somehow be able to feel of God's love and focus on the work that I was going there to do. And I did the whole temple thing, and as I was walking out, a new temple worker asked one of the regular temple workers who I was. And instead of the regular "Tuesday Girl", he said, "that's our faithful sister." And I don't know why, but I was filled with the most incredible peace. When he called me a "faithful sister", it was like Heavenly Father giving me a pat on the back, and letting me know that the good that I do doesn't go unnoticed, and that I'm not as invisible as I think I am. It's nice when God does things like that. Just little tender mercies that remind us that He's always watching and knows the true intent of our hearts. My religion rocks...just sayin'.

My mom told me a quote this week that I'd never heard before. I don't know who said it, and you'll probably laugh, thinking I'm dumb for having never heard this, but the quote was "Let go, and let God." and I just LOVED that! Mom thought it was really funny that I hadn't ever heard it before, but whatever. That quote is something I'm slowly having to learn. I'm a very independent person, I always have been! I bought my own car when I was 15, I've always paid for my phone, I buy most of my own clothes, and I've been able to hold a job for almost four years. So asking for help hasn't ever been my strong suit, because I just figure that I can help myself. Even with God, there have been times that I've told myself that he has bigger fish to fry. But in the last six months I've learned to swallow my pride, because I finally realized that if I'm going to ask anyone for help, it might as well be the one who knew what was going to happen in the first place! It's hard though, because you know that God's got it, but you don't know where He's going to go with it. But I guess that's when we let go, and let God, eh?

Is there even anything left to tell you guys?? Meh, there's probably like six people who actually read this blog anyway so I might as well babble. Tonight was pretty great, got to watch some good old White Christmas with my best friend, drink some hot chocolate and laugh at the hilarious awkwardness that is Danny Kaye. Life's really looking up...well besides having my wisdom teeth pulled tomorrow. Not too excited about that, but hey, legal drugs, right? SCORE! Just kidding, I'll be in pain...so no thanks. Hmmm what else to talk about...OH! Christmas is SUPER close, and I'm kind of terrified because I'm definitely feeling the whole college kid money crunch, right about now...with no idea how I'm going to pay for next semester, and Christmas approaching much faster than I need it to, I guess you could say I'm in a bit of a pickle, but all things will work out in God's way! Because He has a way of untangling the knots I make for myself :) Well kids, finals are finished, the church is true, and God is good! I'll do my best to post pictures of the chipmunk cheeks after my surgery! Adios!

...God is good, so eventually I will be too.

This last Tuesday I had the opportunity to go on an adventure after institute with one of my bestest friends in the entire world. To start off our drive he asked me if I was doing okay, and to be honest I wasn't feeling too hot. I've never lied to the kid though (really though, I've always told him the truth), so I kind of just sat, there not wanting to be a Debbie-Downer. It got a little awkward because we sat there for a few seconds until I said, "ya know, things aren't going so well, but I know that God is good, so eventually I will be too." And the smile that came over that boys face was one of the biggest I've seen in a long time.

This last month has taken it's toll on this little trooper. But I'm the kind to internalize my feelings, and not really let people know I'm getting down. I only really express myself to my mom, my cousins, and my really close friends. So November basically kicked me to the curb. With liking that guy, destroying my own self esteem, trying to figure out school, trying to do what God wants, what my parents want, and what I want...let's just say it hasn't been a walk in the park.

But in this last month I've had to do some real soul searching. I've had to decide where I stand, and where I will and will not go. I've learned to stand my ground, and that's not something I've ever been able to do before! I learned to stop chasing boys, and sit down and wait for a man. And honestly, that's not easy for me! His number is right there in my phone, I could text him anytime. But why would I text him when I know I would probably only receive a bland response or not hear back for almost three days? Liking this guy is old and tired. I'm to a point where it's like I want him out of my head, out of my phone, and out of my news feed on Facebook. Because I look at him and I feel like I'm insignificant, like I'm not good enough for him, and that's not the truth! Because I've learned that I deserve so much more than to be treated like I'm nonexisiant! I've learned that I deserve someone who loves me for all that I am, am not, and ever will be! I learned that even when I am in my darkest hour, The Lord really is my light! He is my peace of mind and the reason I keep going everyday. I know that even through trials where the ground gets a little shaky, I have a firm foundation! I am blessed to belong to the true church of Jesus Christ! And I am so grateful! I am never alone, and that is an AWESOME feeling! This last week has reminded me that no trial is eternal. This is why conversion is a continual process! And one of the best parts about this mortal life is that you can never stop progressing! How great is that!? You can always do better, and be better. And our savior made it possible for is to receive a million second chances! I know this is kind of a preachy post but I just had to express how much I LOVE this gospel! There aren't really any downs to belonging to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. The things they say you shouldn't do, are things you shouldn't be doing in order to be a healthy, and decent human being. I'm so blessed! I'm grateful that through the gospel, families are forever! That someday I'm going to meet the man of my dreams, and he is going to be mine forever! Haha that sounds a little possessive, but hey, I speak the truth! I don't want to die and think, "well that was great, I'm just gonna go become a tree now." I'm so excited to go on to do greater things in God's kingdom! That's why I'm not afraid of death. If I'm doing all I can to serve my fellow man, and live righteously, I know exactly where I'm headed when I pass on. So yeah, God is good, and even though I'm not so good right now, I will be :) 

"Good Enough"

In the past, giving up is something I'd do on a regular basis. I didn't like contention, or stepping on people's toes, so I wouldn't even try for things. Because if you don't try, you can't fail, right? WRONG!! If you don't try, you automatically lose!! It's taken me a loooong time to figure that out. But I got so used to just giving it away. When I wanted something but someone else wanted it, I would just give it to them because, "they're gonna win anyway, so why bother?" But I've found a new sense of confidence in my abilities to succeed. If I want something, I work for it!! There isn't anymore giving up for me!

When I was running my race on Thursday, I wanted to walk so bad. My lungs hurt, my feet ached, and it was stinkin' cold outside!! But lately I've liked this guy, and let me tell you, that man hardly gives me the time of day! But for some reason, I refuse to give up on trying to be his friend! And even though liking him is DESTROYING my self esteem, and I'm pretty much invisible, I can't seem to stop. Because I feel like being friends with someone that awesome might just be good for me! So as I was running I thought to myself, "you refuse to give up on (insert name here), so why in the world would you give up on yourself??" And I booked it for that finishline. Too often we work so hard to be "good enough" for other people, when in all reality, we should work to be good enough for ourselves! 

It took a lot of training for me to be able to run again. And it's still not easy. But I finished that race. And no I wasn't #1, in fact I was #308, but I worked for that 308!!! And I did it for me! There is an I in quit, but there is also an I in win. Either way I decide whether I win or lose.

Lately being patient has not been my strong suit. Liking this guy is getting old, but I feel an almost spiritual need to continue on in trying to be his friend. Honestly, that's all I want to be right now. Because I don't know the guy for real, I know things about him, but I want to know him. And I think that being someone's friend should always come before wanting to be their significant other!! But for right now, I'm invisible, and I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that that's okay for right now. Because I know that I can do all things through Christ! And if there is anyone I'm not invisible to, it's my Father in heaven! So I turn to him everyday. I beg him for patience, self-worth, and a better understanding of who I am. He is my best friend, and if you haven't turned to Him in your time of trial because you think your problems aren't "good enough" for Him, you should. Because your trials matter just as much as any of His other children. He is your Father and He loves you!!! So turn to Him, because with your Heavenly Father, you are never invisible.

A Day of Thanksgiving

It's days like this that I love.
Days filled with family, food, and giving thanks to my God and King for all of the things I have been blessed with.
A Little Rant
This morning mom and I ran the 5k Turkey Trot at the bubble (rec center), and I've never felt so powerful. The last time I ran this race I walked most of it, so today I prayed throughout the entire race that I would somehow finish it without having to stop and walk, and guess what happened!? This little lady ran the entire thing!
Crossing that finish line, I was almost brought to tears in thanks to my Heavenly Father for the strength I had been given. Not just the strength I was given today, but in my entire journey of weight loss/fitness. Going from who I was a year ago, to who I am now has been an incredible physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation for me. My weight was like my shield, it was what kept me safe. Being so large, I didn't have to worry about guys asking me out, or being messed with at school, and I could always lay on the excuse of being "curvy".

I don't remember what my last straw was, where I finally decided enough was enough. But I know that I'll be forever grateful that I changed. It hasn't been easy! In fact, it's probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But it's been more than worth it! I love my body now. It's not perfect, I still have fat in places that I wish there wasn't. And no, I don't look in the mirror every morning and think, "check out the booty on that blondey" (if you don't get the movie reference, we need to talk), but I LOVE my body. My Heavenly Father trusted me with this glorious gift of a mortal body, and I'm pretty sure the last thing He would ever want any of His children to do is hate one of the greatest gifts He's given them!
Every day a little better, a little stronger, and a little more grateful! Today I ran 3.1 miles without stopping, and maybe in march I'll be able to take on that half marathon without stopping either.
But it was through no strength of my own. My Father was with me the whole way!
A List of Thanks
I'm thankful for this body and all of the things it can do.
I'm thankful for my Father in Heaven for giving me the strength I need, and never giving me more hardship than
I can take.
I'm thankful for my Savior, because I know I can do all things through him.
I'm thankful for the most supportive mother in the world, she's my best friend, and knows me better than anyone.
I'm thankful for the most generous step father ever, he does so much for my brother and me, and he really doesn't have to.
I'm thankful for my wonderful Owens Aunts for showing me what it is to be gentle, kind, and caring.
I'm thankful for my Lund Aunts for teaching me how to be passionate about my family.
I'm thankful for my wonderful Aunt Peggy for teaching me that having a little fire ain't a bad thing, and that having a backbone isn't something to be ashamed of.
I'm thankful to ALL of my uncles, from all sides, for being a dad when I needed one.
I'm thankful for all of my many cousins...I'd name you off but lets be honest, there's enough of us to make a small country.
I'm thankful for an AMAZING singles ward. I've never felt so much love for so many people all at one time, and you've all taught me so much.
I'm thankful for the fact that no trial is eternal.
I'm thankful for turkey :)
I'm thankful for healing.
I'm thankful for patience.
I'm thankful for my trials.
I'm thankful for my health.
I'm thankful for the opportunities I am given to serve my fellow men.
I'm thankful for music and the blessing it has brought to my life.
I'm thankful for friends like Lauren, Macie, Jeremy, Danny, Ben S, Ben P, Melissa, and Cassie!
I'm thankful for watching football with the family.
I'm thankful for the Book of Mormon!!
I'm thankful for my testimony.
I'm thankful for the temple, and how easily accessible it is for me to get to.
I'm thankful for my grandparents wisdom.
I'm thankful for technology.
I'm thankful for a roof over my head, and my wonderful bed.
I'm thankful for the knowledge I've been given, and the education I've been blessed to receive.
I'm thankful for difference in the world.
I'm thankful for the fact that the church will always be true, even if the people aren't.
I'm thankful for my life!!
Happy thanksgiving all :) hope it was fabulous!

With an S, not a C

Well, I feel the need to start a blog. Mostly because everyone on Facebook is probably tired of listening to me rant about the things that matter to me...which usually end up being about my religion, school, love, or all of the above. I'm a pretty open person, so why not be open on a blog? I guess I have a lot to say to the world, yet when I'm given the opportunity I forget everything. So this first post is going to be all about who I am, where I've been, and where I hope to be headed.
The name's Spenser, with an S, not a C. Yes, I'm a girl, and yes I'm named after a boy. President Spencer W. Kimball actually. Though when I was growing up I would lie and say I was named after Princess Diana Spencer...for some reason being named after a princess sounds a lot better than being named after a prophet.
I grew up in Rochester, NY, and though we moved out to Utah when I was six, New York will always be home.
I am a very loud person. It's not that I'm an attention seeker, or that I'm insecure, I'm just a loud individual, but I'm working on it!
I am not afraid of a whole lot of things. In fact, I'm only afraid of one thing, and one thing only. But I guess that's for me to know, and you to find out if you ask.
I'm an open book. I am not afraid to tell people the truth, or tell people my story, but I'm not just going to go up to you and tell you my inner most thoughts, but if you ask, I will tell.
I have a thing about pinky promises. I personally believe that the pinky promise is the biggest promise you can make. Here's my logic. When we're little, making a pinky promise is like taking on a double dog dare, you HAVE to keep it. And as we grow older those pinky promises never really change their meaning. You see parents pinky promise their grown children all the time, because it means something greater than just a normal promise. So if you ever make a pinky promise with me, and you break that pinky promise...well I won't hate you, because I don't hate anyone, but I probably won't be your best friend.
I LOVE music. I play guitar, violin, uke, and I sing. I've been singing since before I could talk, and I haven't stopped since. I'm alright, people say I'm good, but I don't run around telling everyone that I sing. But I love it, a lot.
I've only been in love once, it was stupid, and an absolute disaster, but it was there and I wrote quite a few songs about it.
I have LOTS of step siblings, and one real brother. My brother and I have never really gotten along, but I love the butt head. We're polar opposites, and we fight all the time, but we love each other regardless.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and I love this gospel!!! It has saved my life on multiple occasions and I have so much love for my savior! I love the Book of Mormon and I don't know where I'd be without it!
I love anything outside. Running, biking, walking, and I LOVE hiking! I went on a different hike every week this summer with my best friend Summerlin, who, might I add, is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met inside and out. Anyway, I love being active. I used to be 220 pounds, I know, it kind of sounds impossible, but I was and it's very possible. But I've come a long way and I love being active and pushing my body to do things I couldn't do before. Being active ROCKS!
I like to cook and bake, but I don't do it very often. I'm decent at it, gimme a recipe and some ingredients and I can make anything!
I've been considering an LDS mission, but nothing's for certain yet. I've been trying to keep it on the down low, just in case I don't go and everyone asks questions.
I played soccer for a loooong time. And  I loved it so much. Soccer was my escape. If it was a bad day on game day, you better believe I put it all on the field.
My family is my greatest gift. I have the world's best mom. My step dad is pretty great. My brother has a huge heart. My cousins ROCK my world, and the rest of them are amazing as well!
My favorite color is orange, and I like those peach colored roses rather than the red ones. I'm weird, trust me, I know.
I will love you if you let me. I love all of Gods children, if I don't know you, I want to, and if I do know you, I love you! Even if we don't get along, I still have love for you. You are my brother/sister in the gospel, and I love you just for existing!
I love quotes. More than half of the pictures on my phone are of life quotes that I can either relate to, or keep me going.
I write music. I've been writing my own songs on guitar since I was about 12 years old, and I haven't ever really stopped.
I do this thing where if I really like a song, I'll play it over and over for days until can't stand it anymore. Because if I really like a song, that probably means it relates to how I'm feeling at that point of my life. That's my favorite part about music. Is when you hear a song that COMPLETELY relates to your situation, it means you're not alone. That someone, somewhere, wrote a song about something they went through, and they know exactly how you feel and put it into words.
Superman is my favorite hero. Always and forever.
I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm really hoping that someday, somebody is going to sweep me off my feet (both metaphorically and literally), and love me for all that I am. Quirks, imperfections, and all :)
I have always wanted to be kissed in the rain/snow. I think that's the cutest.
I won't beat around the bush with you. If I want to spend time with you, or I want something from you I'll ask. But once I get that time with you, you're going to have to ask me to spend time because otherwise I'll feel like I'm bugging you.
I refuse to play head games. If I like you, you'll know it because I'll make it a point to spend time with you, but you've got to put in some effort too. I'm not one to chase you around. I'm sitting, so if you want to come sit with me there's plenty of room.
My hair is a curly unmanageable mess. I try on Sundays to look my best for the Lord, but every other day of the week you really shouldn't expect that much.
I like food more than I like people. Yeah, it's probably not healthy...meh. I like all kinds of food and I will try anything at least once. So far I've had shark, frog legs, alligator, and escargot. Which I haven't liked all of them, but at least I can say I tried them.
I like things organized. A-Z, 123, biggest to smallest, you name it, I will organize it. Buuuut sometimes my room looks like a tornado went through it...whoops :)
I'm tall, but I still love to wear heels. Seriously, I love wearing heels. They make me feel confident and pretty, and I just like them so you're gonna have to deal.
I've been hanging out with people 5-10 years older than me since I was about 15 so I act older than I am, and I look older than I am...so inside my own head I'm older than I am but my birth certificate says otherwise...
If you ever need a hug, bring it on over, because I'm your gal on that one!
I love dancing, but only when I'm alone in my room. It's a lot less embarrassing that way.
I believe that all people are born good people, but that those who end up being not so good people are made that way by bad experiences in their lives. Which means I also believe that if you treat a person with respect consistently, they will learn to respect you.
I am not afraid of my future, because I know I can do all things through Christ.
My middle name is Eden.
And I wouldn't want to be anyone else but me.
So yeah, my name's Spenser.
With an S, not a C.