The Refiner's Fire

If there has ever been a week of pure Hell, I'm pretty sure I just went through it. I don't think I've ever had so many bad things happen all in such a short amount of time. Let me just take you through what's happened, but this post turns up I promise.

1. Got in a car accident because some dude ran the red while I was turning left.
2. It's automatically my fault regardless because I was turning left, so yeah, there was a ticket.
3. I got whiplash and an adorable seat belt bruise/burn.
4. I got Strep throat (which makes whiplash even more painful)
5. I dropped my favorite ring down the bathroom sink. (not that big of a deal, but still stinks)
6. And the kicker. My love life took a hard nose dive into the south pacific.

So yeah. I've tried to be an adult about everything. Keep it all to myself and on the down low. But really no one reads this stupid blog anyway so why not vent.
Honestly. Life royally sucks right now. I don't have a stinking clue as to what to do with myself. For the time being I'm stranded in Bountiful, when all I want to do is be in Farmington where I actually have friends. And I don't want to pay for a new car, or the insurance that comes with an accident. All I want to do is be a little kid, sit in a corner with a bowl of ice cream and let someone else take care of everything.
But, sadly, this is real life. And my momma always taught me that I'm better than quitting. So I've pulled myself together, been responsible, tried to keep a level head, and take care of business. But do you know what that's gotten me? Everyone thinking that I'm not taking this serious enough. That because I'm staying calm, I'm being nonchalant about the whole thing. I understand it, I got in an accident a year and a half ago. But I learned my lesson from that accident. I've had plenty of nightmares about that accident since then, and they're all me having an out of body experience and watching it all happen. And in some of them I'm watching what could have happened. And it still scares me to death. But I don't tell people that, because I've never really felt the need to.
But this accident I feel is different. This accident, I understood what was going on. He looked like he was slowing down, and that light was red. Plain and simple. Whereas in the last one, I remembered nothing. I still can't recall that entire day. It's hard for me to accept this because I feel like it's not fair that this was my fault.
But I also know that life isn't fair and when push came to shove, the blame was on me. So I'm taking it for what it is, being an adult, and dealing with it. That doesn't mean I don't care about what could have happened to the other person involved, or what could have happened to me. It means I'm trying to be responsible, and do whatever it is these grown up people do.
Anyway. As my week went on, and my hell got hotter. I couldn't help but be a little upset with God. (oh yeah, the accident happened on my way home from the temple) Because it's hard not to be just a little peeved when you know he's all powerful and could have stopped it from happening. And of course Satan was racking my brain, saying things like "well if you were on a mission, this wouldn't have happened." Which, thanks to, what I feel was a spiritual prompting, from my visiting teacher, I know that my decision to stay home is still right. But, anyway, after I calmed down a bit, I realized that before I left for the temple that day, I prayed and asked for God to teach me something. And every single scripture I've read since that day has had to deal with bearing your afflictions with faith. And after this week I know that there has to be something I am supposed to learn from all of this.
This whole week, all I could think was "I am not strong enough for this." That sentence went through my head on repeat every single day. But I'm starting to see that if I wasn't strong enough for this, I wouldn't have gotten this far! It's been eight days since my accident, and yeah I still hate life, but I'm still living, aren't I!? So yesterday, I started thanking God and asking Him help open my eyes to what I'm supposed to learn from all of this. And then the heavens opened and today happened.
Today I attended the temple with my dear friend Ashlee, who is off on her mission to France in less than 50 days! And while we were there she shared a scripture with me that brought tears to my eyes and peace to my soul.  It was 3 Nephi 22:6-8 it says, "6 For the Lord hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.

 7 For a small moment have I forsaken thee, but with great mercies will I gather thee.

 8 In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment, but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer."

After a week of walking through Hell barefoot, and feeling like God had shut me out and left me alone, I know that He is always there. He might turn away from us for a minute, just to help us remember who we are and whose we are, and how much we need Him.

This life wasn't meant to be easy or fair, and I'm starting to see the truth that lies behind the saying "the refiner's fire". Because after all is said and done, everything we go through will make us better and stronger than we ever thought possible.

I testify that God lives. God loves us. And even when we feel like our world is falling apart, and we are completely alone. He is always there.