Name Them One By One

It's only Thursday and this week has been wonderful! I have been so blessed! In the last four days I've gotten my job back, gone to the Salt Lake temple twice, gone running in sunshine, and finished the Book of Mormon! And, wow, have I been blessed!!

Lately, life's been a little rocky, but this week I feel like God has made His presence known. In my personal opinion, God lets us know that He loves us in the little things, but he lets us know He knows us in the big blessings. Like yesterday was the best day I've had in a long time. Not only was it summer in February, but I was able to go running in the sunshine, I got to go on an amazing date, and I also got to put a little work in. On my date though, we talked a lot about the things we were grateful for, and I realized that I'm learning to find joy in the little victories of my everyday life! For example, before my date I couldn't find the other shoe I wanted to wear, I searched for a solid half hour and it was nowhere to be found! It's a bright stinking orange shoe!! You don't just lose one of those! And I looked up and said, "can I get a little help here?" I kid you not, I found it in a random bag less than two minutes later! And the funnier thing is that I didn't even end up wearing those shoes anyway! And God knew that I wasn't going to wear those shoes, but He decided to let me know He was listening and led me right to them! As my date and I were talking, he told me how he'd read a conference talk where it said if you write down what you're grateful for daily, you will be happier. When it comes from the mouth of a prophet, you know that's a promise! Gratitude journals are a sure fire way to feel better about life, my friends!!

To my non member friends, I know it's easier to believe that I found them just by chance, but for me it was a huge blessing. It was my Heavenly Father showing me that He knows me, and that what I care about matters to Him. The guy I went out with probably won't read this, so I really don't care. But I really wanted to look nice for that date. I hadn't gone out with anyone in a while, and I wanted to look good and feel good. And quite honestly, I really wanted to impress this guy (he's kinda really attractive sooo). So even though they were just shoes, God knew it mattered to me. This last Sunday I heard someone say, "God is not the light at the end of the tunnel, He is the light that gets us through it." And I LOVED that!! Because me finding those stupid shoes was Him giving light to my dark little tunnel. Even though that light was small, it made things a heck of a lot easier! 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we really should follow the advice of that primary song we know and love, "Count your blessings, name them one by one. Count your blessings, see what God hath done." Because if you look at all the things He's done for you, you'll find that there is joy in the works of The Lord.

I testify that God loves us, He knows us, and He cares about our troubles, no matter how small they seem. I know that the church is true and if you don't believe it, I invite you to study the Book of Mormon, and I also challenge you not to look for it's faults. Because if that's what you're looking for that's all you'll find. Pray for understanding, and I promise you will recieve it. I love this gospel, and I am so grateful for all the things God has done for me. And I'm grateful for YOU, for taking time out of your day to read my blog even though it's kind of whiny and preachy sometimes :) you're all great and I love you!! Hope y'all have an awesome week! Be happy, be brilliant, and be grateful!! 

The Blessings of a Broken Family

Divorce stinks, it just does. In all seriousness, divorce is hell for everyone involved. The parents are sad, the kids don't understand the fullness of what went wrong and tend to blame themselves, and the families are made to disown someone they once called an aunt, uncle, brother, or sister. But as I've grown older I've definitely been able to see the blessings that have come with divorce and having mixed families.
My brother and I have never been close, but I know that if I ever need someone to complain to about serious things in my life, I can call on him. And I don't think we'd be like that had we not gone through our parent's divorce together. It gave us some kind of connection, and it's really hard to relate to him, so I'm really grateful for the fact that the divorce gave me a little piece of steady ground that I can count on.
My parents divorced when I was a wee lass. I think I was about four or five. By the time I was seven years old both of my parents had found new spouses. Dad married into the Diaz family, and mom married into the Lund family. Suddenly I went from having one mom, one dad, and one brother, to having two moms, two dads, five brothers, and three sisters. Needless to say it was kind of a shock to the system. And if I thought knowing my cousin's names was hard before, I don't even know what to think now! But becoming a part of these families definitely taught me a lot, and I definitely consider myself lucky.
The Diaz family taught me the art of sharing, and how to shake it like Shakira (after all, those hips don't lie). I had a sister named Adriana, and two brothers named Eric and Alan. Adriana and I shared a bed on the weekends I came to stay with my dad. We basically shared everything else too. From clothes, to shoes, to hair clips. We fought like cats and dogs sometimes, but she was definitely my best friend for a while. Eric was best friends with my brother Kirk, and Alan was the baby of the family, but he hung out with the big boys anyway. That family rocked! We had big family barbeques every weekend with good food and even better company. We would go up Provo canyon and play in the river and just have an awesome time! Sadly, my dad and Katy (my stepmom) split when I was about 11 years old. But Adriana, Alan, and Eric. If you're reading this, I'll always consider you family!
The Lund family consists of my step-dad Dave, and his four kids, Katie&Kevin, Amanda, Mark&Meredith, and Brian. I've never really gotten really close to my step siblings on this side. Which is kind of a shame, but this family has been such a blessing. My step dad ,Dave, is an awesome guy. He's always been super supportive. He came to every orchestra and choir performance, every soccer game, and every elementary school play that I was ever in. And for that I am so grateful. He's basically been a dad to me and I don't give him enough credit for all the things he's done for our family. I don't say I love him often enough, but I really hope he knows. It hasn't always been easy, because I think for a long time both sides of kids were bitter about our parents getting divorced, and then marrying each other. I think we were all trying to put the blame on the other kid's parent. Stuff like, "Your dad married my mom" or "Your mom married my dad." would be said all the time. But I love them all, I really do. And I pray for them every night. But it's just kind of hard to openly show love to people you still hardly know after 11 years.
The Lund extended family is like the best thing ever. My grandparents are the coolest! They have over 50 grandkids and can call them all by name! That means I have over 50 cousins JUST ON ONE SIDE! Family parties are hectic, but my cousins are some of my best friends. Jeff, Michelle, and Darin are all awesome! I seriously spend most of my time with them! They've been my friends since I was about 14, and they've taught me how to live my life! I have a tendency of overthinking practically everything, and thank the heavens they pull me out of my own head and show me that the real world isn't that complicated. Teaching me things like: having someone be strictly a cuddle buddy is okay, sometimes a kiss is just a kiss, boys suck, girls suck, everybody sucks, food temporarily solves problems, curves are a good thing to have, and you can't please everyone. Man I love my cousins. Oh and the game!
I have bunches of blood related family that I love more than words can even express, but this post is mainly about my step family and how blessed I am to have them. BUT I am beyond blessed to have my blood relatives! My aunt Peggy is basically my twin...just like 9" shorter...hehe :) And my aunts and uncles on my dads side have always been super supportive and I'm so grateful for their constant words of encouragement on my FB and on this very blog. I love you all, and I don't know where I'd be without you!
Anyway. Divorce is never going to be a fun experience. But I'm a firm believer in the cup being half full. I think it's easy to look at a broken home and be all, "wo is me" and whatever, but you have to look at the bright side if you ever want happiness in life. And if you open your heart, you'll be surprised at what you'll learn. The more love you give away, the more room you have to fill yourself with the love of others. So if any of you come from broken families, I strongly encourage you to look for the good. Make Christ the North of your life compass and I promise that you will find happiness! Well, that's that, hope y'all have an awesome week, and God bless!

Damaged Goods

For an update on how I am since my last post I'm just fine. After a lot of prayer and an awesome priesthood blessing, I'm alright. I've still got a pulse and the sun rises and sets everyday so I'm guessing all is right with the world. 

ANYWAY so lately my dating life was going great, but apparently it took a sharp left about a week ago and suddenly stinks. The last two guys I've gotten pretty close to becoming more than just friends with seem to have bolted for the door as soon as I told them a little bit of who I am. Like my fears, and my aspirations, and who I was three years ago that obviously I'm not now. And I can't help but blame myself. And I talked to my good friend Alayna and I just told her straight up, "guys just don't like girls like me." And it turned out she read an article with almost that exact title not that long before. She went on to explain that guys just like what they like, and someday one of them is going to like you. 

I've done a lot of thinking since that conversation, and I've come to a simple conclusion. I've decided I need to be the kind of person I would want to date. And to be quite honest with you, if I were a dude, I would date me. I'm fun, I'm athletic, I'm musical, I'm outgoing, and I love myself. Everyone has baggage. And everyone has done things that they aren't proud of, and has crazy irrational fears. I am one person among BILLIONS of people who isn't perfect. Because God didn't make me that way. My purpose in this life is not to be perfect. In fact, I strongly believe that I was sent here to screw up and learn, and strive to be all that I can. 

I wrote a new song tonight called "Damaged Goods" and there's a line in it that says "these damaged goods are good for somethin'. I know I ain't much, but I ain't nothin'." And I didn't realize I felt that way until I wrote that down. I'm not nothing, and I actually have a lot to offer. Honestly, Marylin Monroe had it right when she said, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." (Sorry for the swear word) but really though. I'm not going to pretend to be perfect.  That's not who I am. I'm the exact opposite, if you haven't noticed! I trip over my own feet, my jokes aren't always funny, and I snort when I laugh. But if that's a "turn off" for you then you're not what I need.

Nobody seems to want damaged goods, but what everybody is failing to realize is that we all fall under that category. And we need to start looking for the good in each other. Stop being so picky with the people you date, and just let yourself be loved. And if the person you're dating doesn't love you, there's a problem. Because 2+2 doesn't equal 6, and that's basically what you're going to get if you stay with someone who only loves you when you aren't yourself. So damaged or not, you deserve to be loved. Because God loves you for all you are and He made more than one person on this earth that will love you almost as much as He does. That's all I gotta say about that. Hope y'all have an awesome week, and God bless!